Looking Back...

Finding myself in a strange and almost unfamiliar state today.  While sipping on a cup of hot tea...infused with honey and lemon due to the seasonal cold I seem to be fighting...I began thinking about 2013 coming to a close.  All the surprises it brought with it.  Part of me can't believe it's almost over but then again it feels like there were 5 years crammed into those 12 short months.  Oh how it's changed some things in me.  Good and bad...but mostly good :)  The things I've learned are irreversible.  I'm so grateful God allowed me to go through all of it.  I wouldn't have said that a month ago (maybe even a week ago) but I can see it now.  The silver lining is now visible on the dark cloud that hovered over me for so long.  A reason for all the pain.  A greater understanding.  Another piece of the puzzle...God's big picture...has been uncovered.  And this one seems to be an edge piece, one that is vital for the rest to stay in their appropriate places.  Heart surgery was taking place.  

I almost think myself strange at times.  Things I was once passionate about (or just simply took joy in) seem to be of little importance...or none at all for that matter.  Oh how I wish to be in God's presence every hour of everyday.  In a way I guess we are.  Just like Jesus said in Matthew 28, "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  But I'm talking about those deep moments in the middle of a worship set when God's presence falls heavy in the room or when you hear God speak directly to you through your pastor who couldn't possibly know the things you're facing or in your quiet time when the words on the page suddenly come to life and He gives you understanding like never before....oh how I wish those moments would last forever.  For just a moment it's only you and God, all your fears are gone and your eyes are fixed on the Creator.  

I think it's so easy to lose sight of him in our busy schedules.  I've begun to realize something when I find myself stressed or under a heavy load of discouragement.  It's never because He left my side...no, most of the time It's because I left His.  The emptiness creeps in when our focus shifts from HIM to IT.  We lose sight of Him and forget to stand on all the promises He has given us.

Looking ahead...

I have such a great expectancy for the coming year.  An Urgency.  Ambition.  Peace.  Like I've just stepped onto another level.  Joyce Meyer once said, "With every level comes a new devil" and boy is this true.  Well devil, I've conquered this one...so on to the next!

The calling He placed inside of me is in sight once again.  It's here, right now and more clear than ever before.  I'm not scared.  No, my God is ABLE.  He is able to do "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us."  I know my struggles but I also know His power, that power that works within me.  It's what Paul talks about in Ephesians 3, "The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you."  Nothing is too big or too small for my God.  He cares about every inch of our lives and watches over all of "IT"...whatever our "IT" may be.

-Lauren-

Heaviness

My heart is heavy as I write today.  There's so much junk in this world.  Just worn out and saddened by all the hurt around me.  Common is negativity and selfishness.  If you're like me you probably couldn't count the number of people you know that talk about people behind their back.  People who would do anything to have the upper hand.  "Whatever it takes to be successful", is the thinking of the world in which we live.  Most people are ok with the phrase, "step on whoever you have to as long as it gets you where you want to go".  "Friends are a dime a dozen" (easily thrown away and replaced). These "mottos", you could call them, appear to be drilled into us by every form of media out there.  It's all about fame and fortune or in smaller towns it can come down to just being known and not looked down upon.  So why is this such a big problem?  That I'm not sure.  Maybe it's just the true heart of a human poisoned by sin.  Even Christians can fall into this, and sometimes (I've observed) can be worse maybe because we are held to a higher standard.  Even though we are dead to sin we still have a sinful nature.  Our flesh that's constantly fighting against our spirit.  "The angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other" is a childish but pretty accurate description of the war that goes on inside.  Sometimes it makes it really tough to stay focused on God.  Makes a person wonder if there's any good in anything.  But then I'm reminded of the only One who is good. The One who's love never stops.  The One that doesn't gossip about all my mistakes but instead confronts, forgives and forgets them.  The One who doesn't judge me for losing hope, instead picks me back up and encourages me to keep going.  Sometimes our view of the Creator can become blurred and tainted by the people around us.  It can be hard to trust in anything.  That's when we have to ask God to reveal who He really is and exactly how He feels about us, His beloved children.  To remind us of the only Truth we can stand on.  The One who always is, always has been and always will be.  The One who never changes.  Jesus Christ.

Are we sensitive to those around us?

This is a question I've been asking myself lately.  And let's face it, most of us wish those around us would ask themselves the same question.  We've all been through some hard stuff in our life.  We know how it feels to not be understood and feel alone.  We can relate when we see a person's confidence crushed by a hurtful comment or gesture someone makes...even if it was said/done in a joking manner.  Many of us know how it feels to cry ourselves to sleep at night.  We've tried so hard to fight our fears and doubts on a long day only to get up the next morning and do it all over again.  The list could go on and on.  

So I ask myself and those of you reading this, if we can relate so much why do we let the cycle continue?  Why do we sit back and watch it happen over and over again?  Could it be lack of confidence?  Maybe we think we're going through too much to be there for anyone else.  Have you ever thought, "maybe I won't say the right thing" or "maybe they will pour their heart out and I won't have any answers for them."  Maybe it's because we are too selfish and prideful, "what if they want me to pray for them right then and there and I won't have time or maybe I'll have time but 'so-and-so' watching will think I'm crazy" or "they're a Christian...they should be able to get through this if they're really trusting God."  I've been guilty of these thoughts on many occasions.  But then I think about Jesus and His ministry here on earth.  Did He hold back when the devil told Him He didn't have what it took?  Did He care about what others around Him thought?  Did He say He was too busy with "God's work" to help someone in need?  Of course not.  He came for the "least of these" the Bible said.  He also created us to be in relationship with Him and each other.  

We hear about Christians (sometimes even leaders in ministry) that fall into depression or worse.  Now I don't know what kind of people they had around them but it makes me wonder if anyone saw the hints that their faith was growing weak.  Or maybe they were just too busy with their own life to notice.  

Now my point in writing all of this is not to put anyone down or falsely accuse their intentions.  I know some people even with help at their fingertips still choose to go the other way.  I only hope to encourage us to search our own hearts and ask ourselves "am I reaching out today?"  It doesn't take a theologian to encourage someone.  Sometimes all it takes is giving someone a hug or saying "are you doing alright friend?" or "I'm praying for you, everything's going to work out" or inviting them to coffee or calling during the week to check on them.  We don't have to have all the answers...in fact most of the time that's not what we want to hear anyway when we're going through something.  We don't have to be in a perfect place in our lives either or have everything going for us to help someone.  Actually, that can be more discouraging than encouraging.  Sometimes it's the ones that are going through the most that can be the greatest encouragement to others.  Sometimes they just need someone to listen and know they are not alone.

Seek First

I've always wanted to know where the line is between the 'prosperity doctrine' and being on the opposite end where we don't live the abundant life God so desperately wants us to have.  Are we asking/accepting too many 'good things' in this life or are we missing out on the blessings God wants to give us?  Then I read this scripture in the AMP...

"31 Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, what are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear? 32 For the Gentile (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows well that you need them all. 33 But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His Kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given to you besides." Matthew 6:31-33

After reading this it seems to me that the answer is more of a heart issue.  What are we seeking first?  Are we trusting God and doing His will above all else (no matter the financial status it comes with) or are we pursuing careers/things first then trying to fit God into it?  I think it's so easy to judge other Christians in this area.  When they are in a hard spot we either think they've done something wrong or they are being lazy and should just get up and make 'something' of themselves. Or when someone is doing well and are wealthy, healthy and happy we assume they love money more than God or we think they should give some away and live cheaper.  But is this really what God would say?  It's true people can think wrongly in both instinces but maybe instead of judging and confronting them we should just pray and ask God to reveal the Truth in the situation.  Maybe we should check our own heart before we look at theirs. Who knows the human heart better than God?  Something to think about...

Some thoughts from the past few weeks...

God has a way of allowing us to walk through desert times.  Times of such confusion that even the strongest people can begin to doubt the very nature of God Himself.  The things you use to believe so strongly become blurred by the opinions of those closest to you.  Some who mean well and only wish to protect you from all the chaos and deception in the world can end up pushing you into it all the more.

I've become aware more than ever the importance of these times and to appreciate the growth that comes from them.  It's true, some things that happen in life aren't God's original plan.  In fact I believe He weeps with us over the pain we endure at times.  But no matter what injustices come our way I am amazed how He can use what the enemy meant for evil to strengthen us and at the same time still accomplish His perfect plan for our lives.  

Not only does it make us stronger in our faith but it encourages those around us.  I think our testimony is one of the most powerful weapons we have against the enemy.  If he can make us feel alone in our struggles it can feel as though he has the upper hand...I can relate to this on many occasions.  But when we are able to be humble and open about our faults with one another it puts the ball back in our court (or God's you might say).  We become aware of his tactics and all the more determined to push through the temptations.  

It was hard learned and still a struggle at times but I am so grateful for this lesson.  It's an incredible feeling to be used to help someone find freedom in Him.  There are many things He's bringing to the surface these days, little by little.  I am trying to be patient because I know if He were to take them all out at once I would be empty.  He slowly fills every inch of emptiness with Himself before opening another.  What an amazing God He is.

Lauren