Looking Back...

Finding myself in a strange and almost unfamiliar state today.  While sipping on a cup of hot tea...infused with honey and lemon due to the seasonal cold I seem to be fighting...I began thinking about 2013 coming to a close.  All the surprises it brought with it.  Part of me can't believe it's almost over but then again it feels like there were 5 years crammed into those 12 short months.  Oh how it's changed some things in me.  Good and bad...but mostly good :)  The things I've learned are irreversible.  I'm so grateful God allowed me to go through all of it.  I wouldn't have said that a month ago (maybe even a week ago) but I can see it now.  The silver lining is now visible on the dark cloud that hovered over me for so long.  A reason for all the pain.  A greater understanding.  Another piece of the puzzle...God's big picture...has been uncovered.  And this one seems to be an edge piece, one that is vital for the rest to stay in their appropriate places.  Heart surgery was taking place.  

I almost think myself strange at times.  Things I was once passionate about (or just simply took joy in) seem to be of little importance...or none at all for that matter.  Oh how I wish to be in God's presence every hour of everyday.  In a way I guess we are.  Just like Jesus said in Matthew 28, "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  But I'm talking about those deep moments in the middle of a worship set when God's presence falls heavy in the room or when you hear God speak directly to you through your pastor who couldn't possibly know the things you're facing or in your quiet time when the words on the page suddenly come to life and He gives you understanding like never before....oh how I wish those moments would last forever.  For just a moment it's only you and God, all your fears are gone and your eyes are fixed on the Creator.  

I think it's so easy to lose sight of him in our busy schedules.  I've begun to realize something when I find myself stressed or under a heavy load of discouragement.  It's never because He left my side...no, most of the time It's because I left His.  The emptiness creeps in when our focus shifts from HIM to IT.  We lose sight of Him and forget to stand on all the promises He has given us.

Looking ahead...

I have such a great expectancy for the coming year.  An Urgency.  Ambition.  Peace.  Like I've just stepped onto another level.  Joyce Meyer once said, "With every level comes a new devil" and boy is this true.  Well devil, I've conquered this one...so on to the next!

The calling He placed inside of me is in sight once again.  It's here, right now and more clear than ever before.  I'm not scared.  No, my God is ABLE.  He is able to do "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us."  I know my struggles but I also know His power, that power that works within me.  It's what Paul talks about in Ephesians 3, "The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you."  Nothing is too big or too small for my God.  He cares about every inch of our lives and watches over all of "IT"...whatever our "IT" may be.

-Lauren-

Heaviness

My heart is heavy as I write today.  There's so much junk in this world.  Just worn out and saddened by all the hurt around me.  Common is negativity and selfishness.  If you're like me you probably couldn't count the number of people you know that talk about people behind their back.  People who would do anything to have the upper hand.  "Whatever it takes to be successful", is the thinking of the world in which we live.  Most people are ok with the phrase, "step on whoever you have to as long as it gets you where you want to go".  "Friends are a dime a dozen" (easily thrown away and replaced). These "mottos", you could call them, appear to be drilled into us by every form of media out there.  It's all about fame and fortune or in smaller towns it can come down to just being known and not looked down upon.  So why is this such a big problem?  That I'm not sure.  Maybe it's just the true heart of a human poisoned by sin.  Even Christians can fall into this, and sometimes (I've observed) can be worse maybe because we are held to a higher standard.  Even though we are dead to sin we still have a sinful nature.  Our flesh that's constantly fighting against our spirit.  "The angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other" is a childish but pretty accurate description of the war that goes on inside.  Sometimes it makes it really tough to stay focused on God.  Makes a person wonder if there's any good in anything.  But then I'm reminded of the only One who is good. The One who's love never stops.  The One that doesn't gossip about all my mistakes but instead confronts, forgives and forgets them.  The One who doesn't judge me for losing hope, instead picks me back up and encourages me to keep going.  Sometimes our view of the Creator can become blurred and tainted by the people around us.  It can be hard to trust in anything.  That's when we have to ask God to reveal who He really is and exactly how He feels about us, His beloved children.  To remind us of the only Truth we can stand on.  The One who always is, always has been and always will be.  The One who never changes.  Jesus Christ.