Change...

There has been so much change these days. Change can be incredibly exciting and incredibly terrifying at the same time. Uncomfortable yet satisfying. Dying to self. Handing over control in more areas every day.

God's had something on my heart these past 6-8 months. Something new. An idea I've thought on nearly every day since. There are things God has burdened my heart with and given me a passion for. Most of them, I keep to myself. Sometimes they're meant to be shared, sometimes they're more personal and intimate and sometimes it's just not time yet. They're big things and tiny things. You know, those little whispers we hear in our hearts? The prophecies that mean nothing to anyone else, but to us, it means the world? All of these fill us with passion and more love for our heavenly Father. Little things He does just to put a smile on our face. Like a sticky note someone leaves on your car or desk that simply says, "I Love You". Let's not be so obsessed in finding the bright crash of lightning or earth shaking thunder that we miss the little flowers popping up in the quiet, misty rain.

I love worship. I love to worship and I love being used to lead worship and usher in the presence of God. One of my favorite things about leading is getting to see His light on the faces of people. Worshippers who are completely sold out to Him. Praising in pain and in joy. Praising in want and in abundance. Praising through the weakness of our humanity and into the strength of our great God. In these moments I believe He shows me just a glimpse of His face. I know this is something God has gifted me with and called me to. It's only by the grace of God that a person like me can be used in such a way. Even on the days that my heart is in the wrong place and I don't feel like worshipping, He still allows His Holy Spirit to flow through me and onto others. It's just amazing. So, I put my calling in a box and decided, "this is it! This is what I'm suppose to do forever!" haha. Isn't it funny how we do that? But there's more. More to life, more to our story and more to His call than just one 'profession' or 'title'.

I've tried to be more open minded these days. Asking God to show me other areas He wants to use me in. I was wrestling with this upon arriving here. Not questioning whether I'm suppose to be here or not (that's been confirmed in so many amazing ways). Instead, questioning what I'm spending the majority of time learning here. Worship or Pastoral. Knowing I only had 2 weeks into my classes to change put the pressure on. I pleaded for confirmation and received none. So I continued in what I knew...Worship. I got things in order, prepared my heart and put the other out of my mind. Until this week.

As mentioned in my previous post, it's been a rough week. Stretching, pruning and learning endurance on a much higher level. The virus I had triggered Bell's Palsy. Yep, the thing that temporarily paralysis half of your face and makes you look goofy 24/7...talk about humbling! The only thing that's dangerous and painful is when your eye stops blinking. So prayers for this as well as all the other symptoms would be awesome. With half my face paralyzed, it's impossible for me to sing, much less practice all the vocal warm ups that I'm required to do. When I try, it's pretty hilarious, believe me!

Pastoral was back in my mind. Now, it's impossible to sing! Although I'm praying (along with all of you) for a quick recovery, it could take weeks maybe months for my face to get back to 100%. I hate starting things I can't finish. Not to mention, I miss all of you too much to be extending my time here any longer (but as always, may God's will be done). So, I went to talk to someone at the school to see if it was still possible to switch. After telling them everything that was going on, they agreed that I wasn't being irrational but told me that if I was going to do it I needed to decide that day. Apparently it was the last day of my 2 week 'grace period'. I submitted the change request and prayed one last time for God to shut the door if I wasn't suppose walk in. The next day I received confirmation that my request had been approved. Not only that, I had a tuition refund for switching (apparently Pastoral is cheaper than Worship) that covered all my medical bills with a few dollars to spare. God is good.

This doesn't mean I've given up leading Worship. I still have my guitar with me and plan to jump back on the team as soon as I get home...if they'll have me ;) Until then, I will continue to attend the creative team nights here, learn from the people around me and maybe even take some vocal lessons from one of the trainers when I can use my face again haha. I'm not 100% sure what this change is preparing me for but I have a few ideas. At this point, I've learned to just be content riding in the car and not ask where it's taking me every hour. It's much more exciting and a lot less stressful.

There's much more to the story but hopefully my explanation made sense to you (if it didn't, feel free to ask questions). I'm confident I'm following God's direction on this and I'm excited to see what continues to unfold!

I love hearing about your life and things that are happening back home so keep the comments and emails coming! I can also receive good ol' fashion snail mail too if you're into that...there's just something special about holding a piece of paper in your hands that traveled thousands of miles to get to you...anyway, just message me and I'll send you my address :)


Love always, Lauren